Overcoming Addiction with Human Design.
Early 2019 during a meditation I had a download that my purpose was to ‘completely un-f#@k myself and help others do the same!’
This was an interesting message as I had a sex addiction at the time and to un-f#@k anything, particularly myself seemed like a lofty goal. Not to mention at that point I loathed the idea of having a particular ‘purpose’ in life because I truly believed living and experiencing life was our purpose.
It did grab my attention however and after toying with this idea I changed this ‘purpose’ to being my ultimate goal which was to “live from a place of true self love, without having to reach to external vices for validation or self soothing and be the walking example and inspiration for others to do the same.”
I didn’t just have a sex addiction you see, I regularly over-indulged with alcohol and the food I consumed would not fall under the ‘nutritious’ nor ‘healthy’ categories in the food pyramid we were taught in school. I drank socially multiple times a week and ate out most nights…ok - every night.
My vices were sex, alcohol, comfort food and fun!
With men, my preference was young, hot and often. I would drink alcohol to the point of merry to drunk multiple times a week and my diet consisted of food you would find at a seven year old’s birthday party.
Sex, alcohol and food were my crutch and if I were to be completely honest I didn’t have a problem with any of it - I completely and utterly loved my life! It was a heap of fun so there was never a huge motivation to change. The unhealthy food had been life-long since childhood, the booze started during my former teenage years and the sex addiction had been going on for over a decade.
I was enjoying success in my career, had three hot young lovers on high rotation, was out socially a few times a week and my constitution must have been made of steel because my eating and drinking didn’t stop me from going to yoga a few times a week and maintaining what looked like a healthy body on the outside. So as far as I was concerned, life was good - great even!
At forty seven years old I was a very happy, high functioning hot mess.
So why change? Like most people, I knew deep down I wanted more from life; more vitality, deeper connections and to find more fulfilment in my working life.
I have always been fascinated with human behaviour, psychology, how we’re conditioned and how the mind works so throwing myself into my own experiment of trying to un-f#ck myself was not a stretch for me. I’m also a tad self-obsessed and enjoy self-reflection, I have kept a journal for over twenty years so to say I enjoy self observation is an understatement. I still do, it’s my passion. Barely a day goes by where I don’t journal or do automatic writing.
As life always brings you what you need, only months after this ‘purpose’ download I heard about the Human Design system which hooked me in instantly. Are you kidding! A system that I can learn more about myself? Sign me up!
I quickly discovered I am a 1/3 Manifesting Generator with the full integration channel which meant that being self-focussed is exactly how I am meant to be (what a relief that was). It didn’t take me long before I had a reading and went full steam ahead into my experiment. I became my own walking human experiment with no idea what to expect.
The Human Design experiment is to follow your Strategy and Authority, a decision making tool which helps you move through life according to your true nature. This is determined from where you have specific definition within your unique chart. I’m a Manifesting Generator with a defined solar plexus; my Strategy is ‘wait to respond’ and my Authority is to ‘wait until I have emotional clarity.’ So by experimenting with my Strategy and Authority I needed to wait for life to come to me, and then I had to wait some more. Oh boy!
The first thing I did was I stopped initiating, which you would think would be somewhat difficult for someone that spent her entire life grabbing life (ahem) by the b@lls and trying to make things happen, and at first it was difficult. My Not Self mind would be bossing me around and telling me what I ‘should’ be doing. But over time it became less difficult and as even more time passed I actually started to enjoy it. It started to feel good taking pressure off myself and handing everything over to the fates and trusted that ‘life’ had my back and would bring me the correct things to respond to in the right timing.
I was so fascinated with the knowledge that I spent most of my spare time studying the system - I’m a 1/3 after all. Line 1’s love to investigate and Line 3’s love to experiment so It makes all the sense in the world that I would throw myself fully into this system that is all about logical knowledge that you can experiment with and verify. I continue to experiment with, and study this system every day.
Heading into my fifth year of following my strategy and authority my life has significantly changed in so many ways. I’ve mentioned below things that come to mind but this list is not exhaustive nor complete:
I am excited by life, I wake up every day inspired and looking forward to see what life will bring.
I live with more ease, my body is in homeostasis more often.
My relationships have improved! Some friendships have dropped off completely, others have morphed into something new and I have attracted new more aligned people into my life.
I am more embodied, more present, more conscious and feel completely connected not only to myself but also to other people, nature, animals, and life.
I constantly see sweet synchronicities in my field.
My vitality has increased, in fact I have more energy now than I’ve had in many, many years.
How I earn money has changed dramatically. I now work 3 days a week for an external company as well as have my own business offering Human Design sessions and Authenticity Coaching.
I hold a much bigger container of compassion, love and acceptance for myself and others.
I’m experiencing not only my manifesting generator True Self signature of satisfaction, but I’m also experiencing the other aura types signature. I regularly feel a great sense of peace (manifestor), I’m enjoying what I consider more meaningful and aligned success (projector) and I’m surprised and delighted by life on the daily (projector).
On top of all of the above changes, I can also happily tell you that I have achieved my lofty ‘purpose driven’ goal of un-f#cking myself and no longer use sex, alcohol nor food in unhealthy addictive ways. And what do you know…the fun not only didn’t stop, but life got better!